A Rambling Raconteur

I don't like Christmas.
Please don't take this as an opportunity to willfully misunderstand me and begin proclaiming my heresy in disliking the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. As a Christian, I am ever thankful for Jesus and his birth. Jesus has nothing to do with my dislike of Christmas. I think it's interesting that his birth probably didn't actually occur in what we think of as December, but I'm not a biblical scholar, so that's an argument for someone else. Allow me to reiterate: Jesus's birthday is great. It's very important and I think everyone should devote a time to celebrating that in their own hearts. That's really where my celebration ends though. I'm a textbook introvert. I will read my poetry on stage for everyone to hear, but I'm probably not going to discuss the most intimate moments of my faith with a group of people in ridiculous sweaters. I'm a very private person, and God understands that. He made me this way. I do not like gaudy decorations, repetitive carols, and parties where everyone brings a garishly wrapped, meaningless gift because for me, those things have nothing to do with Christmas. They do not correlate to my own personal tastes so I rarely partake in them.

There is another reason that I don't like Christmas, at least as we think of it as a collective culture. I have very little "Christmas spirit." I don't get jolly. Quite the contrary, actually as I have a tendency to be morose or even a bit grumpy around the holidays. This hasn't always been the case. When my dad was still alive, I fed off of his surplus of spirit. This was the man who would leave the Christmas lights up on the house (and turned on every night) until Valentine's day or so. He used to pretend to be Santa and call the children and grandchildren if his friends on Christmas Eve to talk to them about what they wanted and whether or not they'd been good that year. He loved that stuff. Seeing him so happy made me happy too. But he is gone, and with him went my Christmas spirit it seems. Again, please don't misunderstand. I'm not the Grinch. I'm not out to destroy your Christmas. And I'm not a character in a Lifetime movie; I'm not waiting for that one eccentric person or random event or sappy child to remind me of the "true meaning of Christmas" or help me get my groove back or whatever. I'm good.

So please understand, by my own personal tastes and convictions I do not celebrate the ornamental, over-priced, "wise-men"-at-the-manger, consumer-driven, fat-guy-in-a-red-suit, holly-jolly Christmas. Personally, and mostly privately, I celebrate the birth of a savior born to die, who inspires saints into sinners, and who never commanded tinsel to be placed upon a tree.

These views in no way make me holy or special. Just different. I only ask that my difference is respected.

I was prodigiously saddened yesterday to learn of the passing of Ray Bradbury. To me, he was the science fiction writer. The greatest of the genre, especially of those still living. He is a big part of why I write science fiction, and certainly why I read it. I was first introduced to Mr. Bradbury's work in junior high school. I read Fahrenheit 451. This was before I had read Lord of the Rings. Before Hitchhiker's Guide. The only fantastical or science fictional things I was readily familiar with were the original Star Wars movies and X-Men cartoons. But then I read Fahrenheit 451. It was a game changer. Science fiction wasn't all Star Trek or Wookies. There were other options. Sci-fi could be meaningful and intellectual. It could teach as well as entertain. It didn't have to be about aliens and spaceships. It didn't have to praise the wonders of technology. It quite often warned against dependency thereon. After 451, I bought The Illustrated Man. And then a huge collection of short stories. In these days I also began to explore other "genre" works. I read the Lord of the Rings. I read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And so many others. Somewhere in all of this I had decided that I was a writer. Then I decided to write science fiction and fantasy. It seemed like it was what I was born to do. These were the stories that mattered to me.

 Don't get me wrong. I love The Great Gatsby and To Kill A Mockingbird just as much as the next English Major, but to me, they weren't the Great American Novel. For me it was Fahrenheit 451. Or maybe it wasn't even a novel. Maybe it was The Martian Chronicles or The Illustrated Man. Maybe it was a collection of short stories instead of one larger piece. Maybe it was, and is, that Bradbury is the Great American Writer. He's kinda like Captain America, really.

In light of the recent superhero movies, this comparison sprang to mind fairly quickly as I was researching the characters that make up the "Avengers," the superhero group from the Marvel Comic Universe. I was looking at the biography for the character of Steve Rogers (who becomes Captain America) and I realized something interesting: he was born only a month and a half before Ray Bradbury was. Cap was born July 4, 1920. Bradbury was born August 22 of the same year. Captain America was frozen after WWII--and the unfrozen when we needed him to fight the bad guys. In the most recent movies, he has been asleep/frozen since 1945. Much is made of the fact that he is a "man out of time." But Bradbury is the same age. And even though he was never frozen for decades at a time, he still ended up being a man out of time. And space.

Bradbury was known to love and be interested by space travel and rocket ships, but his most well-known work serves as a warning against dependency on technology. He set a standard in science-fiction--and fiction in general--that a writer did not have to write about the way things had been, or were, or would be. A writer wrote about what should be. What should not be. A writer could entertain and warn. Educate and enlighten. In his writing, Ray Bradbury embraced the best of humanity and told us to be wary of the rest. He sent us traveling to Mars, building rockets in the yard, longing for space travel, fleeing our own prejudices, learning from past mistakes, watching the world collapse, watching the world rebuild...and so much more. He was a man from a time that may never be, and a space that might only exist in our dreams.

Thanks for the memories and the futures.

Rest in peace.      Ray Bradbury - 1920-2012

I needed time to think about this before I weighed in on it. I’ve done research. I’ve watched the video, looked at reports, read statements from the White House, letters from organizations, articles by naysayers, and blogs from supporters. I’ve spoken with a few close friends and family members and had a little chat with God.

This isn’t the first I’ve heard of (one of) the situations in central Africa. But I have what is often referred to as an “overly emotional” reaction when I hear of such atrocities done to children. I am not a mother. I have no biological children of my own, but I do have a few that I love with all the fervency that I can muster. I also have my kiddos at the daycare where I work. It is the faces of these children that I see whenever I watch a news broadcast—which is probably why I watch so few. So after a good chat and a good cry, I feel that I am finally able to report where I stand on the current attempts to arrest Joseph Kony.

I support this movement. I support arresting Joseph Kony and having him tried for crimes against humanity.

While I will not be donating monetarily to the particular organization of “Invisible Children,” I do support their endeavor to arrest this war criminal. The main reason that I am not giving money to them is because I really don’t have any and even if I did, the causes I choose to support financially are between God and me. I have looked over IC’s financials and their ratings with certain groups and they are not the money hoarders that many claimed and that I was beginning to believe that they are. They spend much on travel expenses, but that ought not be taken immediately as negatively. They are raising awareness, so that the people with power to do something (I’m looking at you, politicians and law-makers) are knowledgeable enough to make the changes that need to be made. Having said that, I plead for everyone to research any organization that you are considering making a donation to. If donating money is what you can do to help, please make sure that it will actually be used in a helpful way.

My greatest wish, though, in all of this is that the reason behind the cause, this movement—whatever you wish to call it—will not be forgotten. The children. For decades children have been abducted and had unspeakable things done unto them. As an overly emotional childcare provider, I cannot help but see and think of every one of those children as someone’s baby. Someone’s son. Someone’s daughter. They are the reason Kony needs to be brought to justice. They are the reason that I expect every organization attempting to assist them to be as fiscally responsible as possible. Because they are not just victims. They aren’t just numbers. They are children. So let us pray to the Prince of Peace that His love and His mercy might prevail in their lives.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Matthew 25:31-46

Bruce Springsteen released his new album this Tuesday, entitled "Wrecking Ball." It's amazing. Like so many of Springsteen's other albums, it is full of the cries of the downtrodden, everyday-folk. These are songs for the people, presented in a near gospel-like fashion.

I watched Bruce give an interview on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Friday and it got me thinking--as Springsteen so often does-about my dad. He was the biggest fan of The Boss that I've ever met. And he made sure his kids shared his enthusiasm. I always tell people that I've been listening to Springsteen since before I was born--and that isn't an exaggeration. Both my brother and I were introduced to this rock icon in the same way that so many babies hear Beethoven: through headphones laid against their mother's stomach.

My dad was nothing special to those who did not know him. He was from a blue-collar family and worked a factory job. He went to church and played catch with his kids. Knowing what I know about the man he was, I'm intrigued by what he chose as my first taste of music.



Not Yet Born to Run

Wrapped securely
in my mother's womb,
I wasn't aware
of the eye-rolling and
the gentle, indulgent smiling
breezing across her face.
I can close my eyes
--now, decades after the fact--
and almost see my father's surely goofy-
looking expression of delight.
He was pressing his headphones
up against Mom's stomach,
in which I was nestled.
He had heard that classical music would ensure
that the baby was smart.

Smart.
It would make a baby more adept
at science, math, and reading.
The experts never said anything about ensuring the child would be
passionate
or poetic.
There were no statistics that proved
Mozart in utero helped strengthen
your unborn child's sense of
justice
or compassion.
Bach emphasized algebra,
not empathy.
In those exuberant eyes of my father,
that wasn't good enough.

It was late 1987,
when I was still fetal, still becoming
whomever it is I was born to be,
when my father set his headphones
across my mother's stomach,
when the first music I would ever hear
came echoing around me.
It was late '87 so
it might have been "Tunnel of Love"
or "Nebraska." I can't remember
and he isn't around to remind me.
But it is good
--to me, at least--
to think of my father,
eschewing expert opinion
about how to develop a baby's brain
and instead concerning himself
with how to develop it's heart.

I was cleaning/reorganizing my bedroom today and I decided it might be a good idea to go through my shoes and set aside those I don't want or no longer wear. A couple times a year, I round up clothes and whatnot to donate. It's about time I did the same with my shoes.

I knew this particular pair of shoes was in my collection still, even though I haven't worn them in years. They are ugly and ripped and no longer comfortable. But I've been holding on to them for a while. These aren't just any pair of shoes. These are a pair of "Orange Popsicle" (the official name of the color), hi-top, Chuck Taylor, Converse All-Stars. I bought them in the summer of 2002.




I went through a lot with these shoes. They've been Sharpie-d, painted, and white-out-ed to death. A few months after I got them, I took an ultra fine-point sharpie and stared writing on them. Song lyrics, lines from poems, quotes from movies and books and the random catchphrase here and there. They were an everyday part of my 14 and 15 year-old uniform: orange Chucks, knee high gym socks, either a pair of guys shorts (that were baggy and came to me knees) or a pair of jeans with the bottoms rolled up a few inches, and a solid color t-shirt that I had taken a Sharpie to. I had a whole set of t-shirts that I had done myself. Memorable shirts included my "Crazy for Swayze" shirt and of course "Nettleton Dance Team Reject: Too Phat."

I see now, looking at these shoes, that I haven't just been holding on to a pair of old sneakers. I've been trying to hold on to who I was back then.


Who was 14 year old Sarah?
She was a Lord of the Rings fanatic, hip deep in her first research paper devoted to the topic. (Okay. So *that* bit still holds true.)
She wrote poetry all the time. It was almost all thematically the same: cool people are stupid, mindless sheep, nonconformity is awesome and being a teenager sucks.
She was trying so hard to be different than everyone else. Oh, the clothes she wore.
She lived with a mom who was battling breast cancer and a dad who was battling a disease she couldn't pronounce and her brother had started college and never seemed to be awake when she was.
She had panic attacks she didn't know where panic attacks.
She did some stupid stuff and said some stupid stuff, but 24 year old Sarah has made her peace with that. I know now that 14 year old me was doing the best she could with what she had.

Even though I bear her no ill will, it is time for 14 year old me to stop living in the bottom of a shoe bin. 24 year old me needs the space. Because life is here and the future is arriving a moment at a time. I think I'm finally ready.