Things Lord of the Rings Fans Think Twilight Fans Ought to Know
written by Sarah Wofford, a supporter of fandom diversity

- You thought we were weird at the time but we were right about the magic of books, weren’t we?
- If you stop laughing at our elf costumes, we’ll stop laughing at the body glitter you made your boyfriend wear.
- If you *don’t* stop laughing at out elf costumes, one of us is liable to shoot you with an arrow.
- Be warned, our arrows tend to be handcrafted. And sharp.
- Legolas may prance a bit, but he doesn’t sparkle. Trust me. Our fangirls are very much okay with this.
- There is something inherently beautiful about a good death scene. We’re sorry that you’ll never get to experience that. It’s not because your characters are immortal. It’s because your author is kind of a wimp.
- There is a very good reason no member of the fellowship was described as being a “klutz.” Klutzes tend to die really quickly.
- I can’t say that any of us feel very sympathetic when people make fun of your fandom. We’ve been putting up with it for 60 years. Suck it up.
- We know you think Edward and Bella are really sweet and self-sacrificing, perhaps they are, but Arwen gave up paradise to be with Aragorn. And Aragorn, he put his own heart on hold to - you know - save all of Middle Earth.
- Be careful before you try testing our patience. We’re the people who have sat through 12 hours of Extended Edition DVDs. Often in one sitting.
- If you do happen to reach the end of our patience, remember: we have several languages to choose from in which we can call you some very nasty things.
- Do not try to outwit us. We learned from Gollum and a whole Shire-full of hobbits. We really enjoy making people sound like fools.
- Be wary of any Rings fan that wants to show you their “pointy hat trick.” I can’t explain to you why, but believe me when I say that it will be unpleasant.
- We’re pretty certain that Samwise Gamgee could kill a vampire whilst armed with nothing but a cooking pot, relying just on the strength of his heart.
- You may think you’re a fan. You may think you’re a fanatic. You may even think you’re obsessed. You have no idea.

I started writing my current novel, Solomon's Light in November of 2007. Today, June 2009, I have completed the outline for the end of the book. As it stands now, I should be done writing it by the end of the summer.

Wow.

But this means that the hardest part is coming up:
The last sentence.

I could write opening lines all day long, but the last line? That's a whole other ball game. I don't want it to be hokey or cliche. I want it to be a good ending. I know, generally speaking, how the book will end, but I don't know the specific scene that will take place. I've also got the strike that precarious balance between a solid ending and something that leaves you wanting to know what happens next.

Well, I suppose the only thing there really is to do is to get writing.

Here goes nothing.

Last Monday I visited the Hemingway Museum in Piggott, AR. A few of my friends chipped in gas money with me and we made a day of it. It was fun, to say the least.

I doubt you'll find many English professors that will not praise Hemingway's various literary works, but walking through his house I had to wonder what had become more important: his writing or his legend?

Some people couldn't tell you the name of any of his short stories but could tell you how he died. His suicide and alcoholism have bolstered his persona to near-mythic proportions. Does this legend of an adventuresome, boozing womanizer outshine his literary feats? I hope not. Although this does bring up an interesting point.

I'm not a Hemingway scholar by any means, but it seems to me that being a writer was only second in ol' Ernest's life. He was alive first a foremost. I may not agree with all of his practices, but you can't tell me the man was boring.

I think that this is where a lot of modern writers are falling short. They do nothing but write and publish. They've missed a very important step: living. How can you write about a great adventure if you've never had one yourself? How can you write a romance if you've never fallen in love? How can you write through the eyes of a character if you've never stopped to see the world from another person's point of view?

So, tonight I raise my glass to you Mr. Hemingway. May I live a life worth writing of.

We have a new edition to the Wofford family! He's a goldfish. His name is Bruce! He's named after three very awesome people: Bruce Wayne (aka Batman), Bruce Campbell and Bruce Springsteen. (Bruce was also the name of the big mechanical shark on the set of the movie Jaws. How appropriate!)


He's so cute! (Don't you think?)

Long-time, no-post. Sorry about that. But school is done now so hopefully I'll be updating more again soon.

I've been getting a lot of writing done lately. I feel like doing a little victory dance after every paragraph. I usually refrain, for victory dances take up quite a bit of time. :)

While working on my novel yesterday I was hit with an idea for a new short story. I just put a pin in the idea at the time and carried on with what I was doing. But when I took a break I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and jotted down a few sentences to see if the idea would go anywhere. Oh, has it ever.

What was originally an idea for a new short story has somehow morphed into the bare-bones outline for my next novel.

It's the story of a guy who dies and, instead of ending up in heaven immediately, finds himself in The Library. This novel will pose the question: What would you do if you were given the chance to rewrite your story?

It turns out that Heaven's library is full of people's life stories and his might just not make the cut. But first the Librarian is giving him the chance to rewrite his life story. But our main character doesn't know where to start. Luckily he's in the greatest library in all of creation, with every great story ever told right at his fingertips.


So? What do you think? I'll still be focusing on finishing Solomon's Light first, but I'll definitely be working on The Library as well.

- the author

Writer Waiting

Oh this shiny new computer ---
There just isn't nothin' cuter.
It knows everything the world ever knew.
And with this great computer
I don't need no writin' tutor,
'Cause there ain't a single thing that it can't do.
It can sort and it can spell,
It can punctuate as well.
It can find and file and underline and type.
It can edit and select,
It can copy and correct,
So I'll have a whole book written by tonight
(Just as soon as it can think of what to write).


- Shel Silverstein

“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” I don’t know how many times I have heard this said, either directly from the movie “Braveheart” or from my brother who loves to quote said movie. Either way, it’s a truth; but are we really living like we believe it? Many people I know have a list of things they want to do or accomplish before they die. That’s good and all, but what about helping everyone else out? Life is fleeting. Shouldn’t we be trying to pass on any knowledge or wisdom that we might have? I believe every generation has something to learn from every other generation. So this is, among other things, is my gift to the world. If Jesus comes to get me tomorrow this is what I want you all to know. Alright kids, listen up. I’ll try not to be overly maudlin. Please keep in mind some of this stuff is what worked for me and some of it comes from mistakes I’ve made.

- High school is something you overcome. But it doesn’t happen until after it’s done. While you’re there, try to enjoy yourself and not do anything too stupid.

- Doing a few stupid things isn’t the end of the world. As long as you aren’t being overtly dangerous, just try and have fun.

- A driver’s license doesn’t make you an adult.

- Drinking doesn’t make you an adult.

- Smoking doesn’t make you an adult.

- Sex doesn’t make you an adult.

- I have no idea what makes you an adult.

- Being an adult is somewhat overrated. Enjoy not being one while you still can.

- Take life one day at a time. If that doesn’t work, take it one hour at time. One moment. Don’t rush it.

- Get a job in high school/college. Even if it’s crappy. Learn to spend your own money.

- Write down your ideas, your goals, your dreams, your fears. It makes a lot of things easier to sort out.

- Do your homework.

- It’s okay to go through “phases.” Take your time figuring out just who it is that you are. Not all change is bad. Just don’t make fun of people who look different from you at that moment. You probably look like a dork to them, too.

- Read. Read a lot. Find a style or an author or a genre you like. Ignore what your peers say about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s cool or trendy or not. Just read. If you aren’t sure where to start, ask a librarian. They are awesome people.

- Be nice to your substitute teachers.

- Don’t grab a knife by the business end.

- It is not wise to make fun of someone’s tattoos. Doing so is simply asking for a fight with someone who enjoys pain.

- There is right and there is wrong. Do and stand up for what is right.

- If you have a point to make, be heard. You’ll never change the world sitting in the back whispering to yourself.

- You *can* change the world.

- If something is funny, laugh. If it’s sad, cry. Don’t let someone else tell you how to respond.

- Even those born to be leaders must sometimes learn to follow.

- Obedience is not a sign of weakness.

- Falling in love is absolutely foolish and often leads to nothing but heartache. Do it anyway.

I suppose I could go on and on, but I will refrain myself. I will, however, leave you with one last thing:

- SEIZE THE DAY – So simple, yet so daunting. Give it a try.