Writing frightens me. Why would something I'm so undeniably passionate about scare the crap out of me? How does that work? It just seems so impossible. Like I'm addicted to something I know will kill me, but I can't give it up. It's horrifying.
It pisses me off that somebody who's never given writing a second thought can jot down a note on a napkin or have a weird dream and then boom! they're bestselling authors and multi-millionaires. How can that happen to them and yet here I sit, the call of writing having been echoing in my soul for years, at 1:30 in the morning, anxious and restless because I don't know what to do with my story. I've been working on it for nearly a year and I haven't even written 100 pages. What the crap. I'm just stuck. I know where I want to go, but I don't know how to get there. And will anybody want to read it if I do?
Do people even read books any more? And I mean real books. Those not written on a third grade reading level. Ugh. I feel horribly pretentious. I'm just jealous. All those published authors who found the will to finish. I'm horrified that I can't.
~On a side note, this was written very early in the morning. I stared at my computer for a bit after writing it and then I pulled up my manuscript and typed out 3 new pages. Go me. :D
This weekend was the annual BCM Back-To-School Retreat. As usual, it was teh awesome. I'm never disappointed with what these guys offer us!
We had a wonderful worship leader, Frank Hendrix. I mean, come on. The guy started singing a worship song to the tune of "With or Without You" by U2. Seriously. And yes. It *was* that awesome.
Our speaker was Michael Kelley. He's an Editor for Lifeway and has written two Bible studies called "The Tough Sayings of Jesus" (I and II). He was GREAT. 1. It was cool to get to sit and chat with someone who, however accidentally, has published a book, and 2. he had some really awesome things to say and points to make.
He spoke about love - a favorite topic of mine.
I'm feeling the need to crawl up on my soapbox for a minute here. Try and bear with me.
I hate politics.
I am not a Democrat.
I am not a Republican.
I am not an Independent.
I am apolitical.
It's a game I just refuse to play. Will I be voting in the Presidential election in November? You bet your butt I will be. Blood was shed for that right and I'm not gonna throw it away. But am I going to tell you who I am voting for? Nope. I hate politics.
I'll be glad when the results are in and people will finally start shutting up a little bit. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the world will still be spinning whenever they announce the winner. Whoever it is, I doubt the world is just going to go into freak-out mode. Gas will still cost an arm and a leg. There will still be troops that aren't home. Kids will still be dying of AIDS in Africa. The sun will still rise in the east. It's still gonna set in the west. This whole election thing isn't really that big of a deal.
Now, calm down. I'm not an anarchist, I swear. I promise I understand the importance of the American President. I'm just saying that there are bigger issues out there and that by making our President the most important person in the country we're selling ourselves short. Power isn't in the hands of the President. It's in the hands of the people. We are horribly dangerous. Well... we have the ability to be. I'm just trying to say that, no matter who wins the election, the ultimate power will still reside with the American people. One, fallible man will be the leader of our country. But if he's not doing a good job, we can overcome that. We have to be the change we want to see. We can't expect our politicians to do it for us.
I'd also like to plead with my generation for a moment. Please turn off your TVs for a bit. At least... take them off the comedy channel. Freedom of speech is amazing. I'm enjoying it right now, but don't let yourself be spoon-fed. Shows like the Daily Show and the Colbert Report are enjoyable and witty, but they are also teaching my generation that our leaders don't deserve any respect. I just think it's odd that we expect the rest of the world to respect our government but we won't. How sad. I'm gonna slowly back away from my soapbox now.
Much love and much peace,
Sarah
ARAGORN/GANDALF in '08!!!
Tonight, I thank my God for stories. I tend to find life difficult to deal with. Stories are my escape. I love happy endings. But sometimes I love those that aren't as happy just as much. I love both the trajic and the comedic. Perhaps it is because my life seems to carry touches of both. Some days it is strange how much I long for my happily ever after, my happy ending. But still there are those moments where I just want things to be right. Not necessarily perfectly happy, but right. As if the rightness transcends whatever "happy" may be. I love stories. Passionately. A story isn't just an event or series of events. It's more. It's happenings that form a grander meaning; that either in the moment or later on you learn from, or someone else can learn from. Our own stories may seem to be crazy-random-happenstance, but perhaps they could provide a wealth of knowledge to someone else. Perhaps someone else has just the story that we need to hear. God is the Author or our Faith. He's been on the best-seller list for a few millenia now. Surely we should take the time to listen to one or two of the few billion he's got in progress now?
Abba,
Thank you for stories.
Sarah
