A Rambling Raconteur

Things Lord of the Rings Fans Think Twilight Fans Ought to Know
written by Sarah Wofford, a supporter of fandom diversity

- You thought we were weird at the time but we were right about the magic of books, weren’t we?
- If you stop laughing at our elf costumes, we’ll stop laughing at the body glitter you made your boyfriend wear.
- If you *don’t* stop laughing at out elf costumes, one of us is liable to shoot you with an arrow.
- Be warned, our arrows tend to be handcrafted. And sharp.
- Legolas may prance a bit, but he doesn’t sparkle. Trust me. Our fangirls are very much okay with this.
- There is something inherently beautiful about a good death scene. We’re sorry that you’ll never get to experience that. It’s not because your characters are immortal. It’s because your author is kind of a wimp.
- There is a very good reason no member of the fellowship was described as being a “klutz.” Klutzes tend to die really quickly.
- I can’t say that any of us feel very sympathetic when people make fun of your fandom. We’ve been putting up with it for 60 years. Suck it up.
- We know you think Edward and Bella are really sweet and self-sacrificing, perhaps they are, but Arwen gave up paradise to be with Aragorn. And Aragorn, he put his own heart on hold to - you know - save all of Middle Earth.
- Be careful before you try testing our patience. We’re the people who have sat through 12 hours of Extended Edition DVDs. Often in one sitting.
- If you do happen to reach the end of our patience, remember: we have several languages to choose from in which we can call you some very nasty things.
- Do not try to outwit us. We learned from Gollum and a whole Shire-full of hobbits. We really enjoy making people sound like fools.
- Be wary of any Rings fan that wants to show you their “pointy hat trick.” I can’t explain to you why, but believe me when I say that it will be unpleasant.
- We’re pretty certain that Samwise Gamgee could kill a vampire whilst armed with nothing but a cooking pot, relying just on the strength of his heart.
- You may think you’re a fan. You may think you’re a fanatic. You may even think you’re obsessed. You have no idea.